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Lady Sings The Blues

Aug 21, 01:57 AM

Despite the fact that I still have yet to reach the drinking age, I’ve been finding myself in bars of late way past my bedtime singing the blues. Open mike nights have become my release. There’s nothing I love more than getting up on that small, crappy stage, closing my eyes and just belting one out. I take pride in that silence that usually follows once I open my mouth. I’m not getting a big head, but in this town its not often that you find an eighteen year old black girl, wearing a Nirvana t-shirt willing and somewhat decent at singing some old time jazz. I take pride in it. I revel in it.

I’m leaving for school in a few days and in some ways I’m ready to go, in others not so much. I’ve been planning and anticipating this day for years. A chance to get away from my friends and just start over somewhere where (almost) no one knows me. Yet here I am a week hence and I’m dreading it. Why? What changed?

I’ve told myself all throughout high school to never get in a relationship before you leave for college. For years I drilled this into my head and was almost successful until I met Him. Now I don’t want to leave. I will admit I’ve had some doubts about our relationship, but now – now that things are balancing out and turning for the better I’m being shipped off. I just hate that I’m going to be that girl in the dorm chatting on the phone at three am to her boy back home, crying and just causing a general hub-bub that comes with a young female who thinks she’s in love.

Seven days. I hope I make it. I hope we make it. We should.